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05 October 2005 @ 10:44 am
Fic: Tears By Proxy  
Fandom: Firefly
Rating: Mild language. Gen.
Warnings: Set Post-Serenity (movie). No overt spoilers, but it doesn't make sense if you haven't seen the movie.
Word Count: 380
AN: Just sort of a random early morning not-quite drabble. I think my muse is trying to sneak in a second long WIP scene by scene. She may win. She ususally does.

River won’t stop crying.

Mostly it’s quiet; silent tears stream from red rims, half-hidden by the untamed whirl of her hair. But sometimes, especially late at night, it ramps up into sobs, first muffled—choked behind teeth or occasionally a fist—and then louder, heartbreaking racking cries that sound just a little too much like screams.

“River, honey, you can’t keep on like this,” Kaylee says softly, trailing through River’s hair fingers from which no amount of scrubbing can erase the grease. “You’re going to cry yourself sick.”

River lets Kaylee draw her head down to her shoulder, but she says nothing, crying still.

“Girl’s already gorram sick,” Jayne mutters and stabs at his protein cubes. “Thought you said she was gonna be better now, doc? ‘Cause if this is better, I’d almost druther we’d gotten et up by Reavers.”

“That can be arranged,” Mal snaps, before Simon can say anything. It’s been wearing on him too; it’s obvious in the hard, brittle line of his jaw, but his eyes are still cold as he focuses on the merc.

“Gorram it, Mal, you don’t like her moping about any more than I do,” Jayne slams his fork down, bending the thin tin. “Sets my teeth on edge.” He looked at Simon again. “C’mon, doc—gotta be something you can do.”

“Nothing works,” Simon shrugs, the fingers of his free hand twined with those of his sister. The worried look’s returned to his face, wearing in like coal dust on a miner. “I’ve tried smoothers; even the new mixes don’t help. I tried sedating her,” he looks again at River, eyes pinching a little. “She just cries in her sleep.”

River lets out a sob, quickly stifled behind a hand.

“She’s been through a lot,” Kaylee says, putting her arm protectively around River and Simon both.

“Well, hell, Kaylee, so have we all,” Jayne says. “Don’t see me boo-hooing all the time about it.”

“No,” Simon’s voice takes on the quiet venom of when he’s really pissed. “But your’re not a reader, Jayne.”

That’s when they all glance sidelong at me in varying degrees of subtle. Careful now, deliberate, I set my chopsticks on the plate, get up from the table and walk out, my eyes still so dry they ache.
 
 
Mood Swings: weirdweird
Swing Set: Ocean Colour Scene - Hundred Mile High City
 
 
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( 98 voices in my head — Say something )
It's funnier in Enochian: FF_ZoeWarriorWoman - _reverie_icons_[info]mona1347 on October 5th, 2005 06:05 pm (UTC)
That’s when they all glance sidelong at me in varying degrees of subtle. Careful now, deliberate, I set my chopsticks on the plate, get up from the table and walk out, my eyes still so dry they ache.

Ow. I knew this was coming from the title but still. Ow. A lot. "She feels everything, she can't not."

Ow.
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: Jayne[info]poisontaster on October 5th, 2005 06:09 pm (UTC)
I was thinking the title was too obvious. *sigh*. I've just read so much fic about Zoe breaking down in tears lately, and I just don't really see it. Or I'm having a problem seeing it. So I tried to find a work around.
(no subject) - [info]mona1347 on October 5th, 2005 06:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]poisontaster on October 5th, 2005 07:06 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]mona1347 on October 5th, 2005 08:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]poisontaster on October 5th, 2005 09:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
all sass, no class: Mal/Inara memories - [sdwolfpup][info]brynnmck on October 5th, 2005 06:14 pm (UTC)
Gah. Ow. But extremely well-done. In the flood of post-Serenity fic, this is definitely one of the highlights for me so far (in a painful kind of way, of course). Thank you!
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: Watchful Zoe[info]poisontaster on October 5th, 2005 06:21 pm (UTC)
Sorry. I'm good at the 'ow'. *g* And there's plenty going around. But thank you for the lovely compliment!
Julie Frost, writer[info]agilebrit on October 5th, 2005 06:24 pm (UTC)
Oh, OW. That's just beautiful. *sniffles*
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: zoe/wash[info]poisontaster on October 5th, 2005 07:01 pm (UTC)
Thank you. *sniffles with you*
Ninjabear: coming for a stealth hug: Zoe[info]dangermousie on October 5th, 2005 06:25 pm (UTC)
Oh. Wow.
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: Air Quotes (Jayne)[info]poisontaster on October 5th, 2005 07:01 pm (UTC)
That's a good 'wow', right?
(no subject) - [info]dangermousie on October 5th, 2005 07:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]poisontaster on October 5th, 2005 07:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Morgaine: Zoe - Lost[info]dragonbetween on October 5th, 2005 06:47 pm (UTC)
*whimper* Poor Zoe, poor River. Beautiful fic.

~ Morgaine
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: Badger[info]poisontaster on October 5th, 2005 07:02 pm (UTC)
Thanks. This is what heartbreak is good for...you write really good "ow" fic. LOL.
(no subject) - [info]dragonbetween on October 5th, 2005 07:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
seraphcelene[info]seraphcelene on October 5th, 2005 06:50 pm (UTC)
That is a perfect expression of Zoe's grief. Loved IT!!!
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: Thrilling Heroics[info]poisontaster on October 5th, 2005 07:03 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
pete and gabe's collaborative dicks: voices[info]inlovewithnight on October 5th, 2005 07:19 pm (UTC)
Oh, ow. That's brilliant.
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: listen[info]poisontaster on October 5th, 2005 07:26 pm (UTC)
I'm not sure whether to be gleeful or upset that the universal reaction so far is "ow". LOL. I suppose it's a good thing, since that's what I was going for, right?
Rinny[info]rinalin on October 5th, 2005 07:52 pm (UTC)
That was fantastic. I love the idea of River/Zoe connecting post-Serenity. And this was in such a powerful, gut-wrenching way.

*Loves*
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: zoe/wash[info]poisontaster on October 5th, 2005 09:13 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
rána eressëa, the lonely wanderer: frodo // *hugs*[info]ranaeressea on October 5th, 2005 09:05 pm (UTC)
Oh, the pretty.

It took a moment to settle in, but I got it. Splendiferious, PT. Yes, indeed.
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: See You[info]poisontaster on October 5th, 2005 09:14 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I kind of wanted it to be a slow bomb. I'm glad it works.
Katinka[info]katinka31 on October 5th, 2005 09:09 pm (UTC)
That’s when they all glance sidelong at me in varying degrees of subtle. Careful now, deliberate, I set my chopsticks on the plate, get up from the table and walk out, my eyes still so dry they ache.

I swear, my breath stopped at that line. Beautiful and heartbreaking.
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: Atherton's Salute[info]poisontaster on October 5th, 2005 09:14 pm (UTC)
Oh my! What a wonderful compliment! Thank you!
(no subject) - [info]katinka31 on October 5th, 2005 10:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Kristina[info]desoto_hia873 on October 5th, 2005 09:32 pm (UTC)
Oh my. That was really well done. I didn't read the title, so the last line packed all the punch it was meant to. Bravo!
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: Flail[info]poisontaster on October 5th, 2005 09:41 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
black_eyedgirl[info]black_eyedgirl on October 5th, 2005 09:42 pm (UTC)
*breaks* I knew what was coming the whole time but the last phrase, "my eyes so dry they ache", still broke my heart. Along with the image of River inconsolable throughout, her own heart breaking with Zoe's pain. Great post-movie ficlet, even if it hurts.
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: Watchful Zoe[info]poisontaster on October 5th, 2005 10:04 pm (UTC)
Thanks. It took me a while to work myself up to this one, just because it IS so painful. I'm glad we can all go through catharsis together. *g*
oh wicked one: zoe beautiful[info]wicked_goddess on October 5th, 2005 09:44 pm (UTC)
I usually don't read fan fic, but I clicked on [info]desoto_hia873's rec for some reason, and really enjoyed this.

Heartbreaking.
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: Sad L'il King[info]poisontaster on October 5th, 2005 10:05 pm (UTC)
Wow! Well thanks for taking a chance on me! I really appreciate the compliment!
azuremonkey: Scared[info]azuremonkey on October 5th, 2005 09:58 pm (UTC)
I've read all the Zoe breaking down fics, but I didn't really buy the "heaving, sobbing Zoe". 'Course, I wanted something more than "duty-bound Zoe" from the movie. How to reconcile the two?

And this is one area my muse has resolutely vowed to stay away from. Probably for the best.

I definitely like your take on it better. To say simply "Pain" I think covers it. Really good.
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: Talk to the Hand (Zoe)[info]poisontaster on October 5th, 2005 10:07 pm (UTC)
I think that's EXACTLY where this fic came from. I've read all those fics too, and while they weren't bad, they don't ring quite true to me. Zoe has always reminded me of me, and I'm not a crier by nature, either. I'm glad it hits the right note for others too. *whew*
a few prawns short of a galaxy[info]glitterberrys on October 5th, 2005 10:23 pm (UTC)
That right there? Broke my pretty little heart. I'm SO high on cold medicine right now, or I'd totally be crying like a bitch. (Uh, I'm also usually more coherent, I swear.)
Seriously, though, this is excellent. Nicely done.
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: maylee (head kiss)[info]poisontaster on October 5th, 2005 10:53 pm (UTC)
That was perfectly coherent. And really flattering. Thanks! Um...I'm sure I could superglue that heart back together, maybe, I think...? *g*
(no subject) - [info]glitterberrys on October 5th, 2005 11:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]poisontaster on October 5th, 2005 11:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]glitterberrys on October 6th, 2005 12:08 am (UTC) (Expand)
You know what would be creepy and unexpected?: will the world end[info]fleshlycherry on October 5th, 2005 11:07 pm (UTC)
I hurt now, after reading this. Beautifully done m'dear. I always thought Zoe was a little too ok at the end of the movie. Also, I love Simon’s voice takes on the quiet venom of when he’s really pissed. because thats exactly what it is!
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious[info]poisontaster on October 5th, 2005 11:24 pm (UTC)
Hee! Thanks, hon. I was telling Mona in an earlier comment; Zoe reminds me a LOT of me, and I'm not a big crier, but I can be totally shattered on the inside. So I was watching those scenes at the end and I just totally RECOGNIZED, you know? *g*
Canary In A Coal Mine: Zoe & Wash Kiss[info]coaldustcanary on October 5th, 2005 11:42 pm (UTC)
Oh, that is bloody brilliant.

*sniffle*
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: zoe/wash[info]poisontaster on October 6th, 2005 02:59 am (UTC)
*hands tissue* Wow. Thank you!
(no subject) - [info]coaldustcanary on October 6th, 2005 03:12 am (UTC) (Expand)
DarkEmeralds: ZoeFall[info]emeraldsedai on October 5th, 2005 11:46 pm (UTC)
Wonderful!
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: Leaf on the Wind[info]poisontaster on October 6th, 2005 02:59 am (UTC)
Thank you!
Angela[info]unwritten_words on October 6th, 2005 12:24 am (UTC)
Well, I don't think the title was obvious, but maybe I'm just befuddled today. My first reaction was, "huh?". Then I read the comments and went, "Oh. Oh!" and I was delighted with the story.
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: Hmmm (Wash)[info]poisontaster on October 6th, 2005 03:00 am (UTC)
Well, I was hoping it wasn't TOO obvious...but if the story works, I'll take it! Thanks!
FuziPenguin: RiverBorderline_me[info]fuzipenguin on October 6th, 2005 12:36 am (UTC)
oh. oh, owww. Beautiful and poignant in its subtlety.
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: listen[info]poisontaster on October 6th, 2005 03:01 am (UTC)
Thank you.
darjeeling darling[info]malika on October 6th, 2005 12:53 am (UTC)
Oh, *ouch*. I didn't really pay much attention to the title so I wasn't expecting the end -- poor Zoe.
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: Madonna Whore[info]poisontaster on October 6th, 2005 03:02 am (UTC)
But that's good! I was hoping the end would be at least a little surprising!
(no subject) - [info]malika on October 6th, 2005 03:11 am (UTC) (Expand)
Et tu, bootay?: Mal/Zoe/Wash OT3[info]gsmulticolored on October 6th, 2005 01:54 am (UTC)
I have a bizarre temptation to reply with the word 'Ow.' But this fic is really great, it deserves a few more words. Really interesting with the sudden reveal of the Zoe perspective at the very end. It's like there's a complete disregard for Zoe's pain, because she isn't projecting it openly, like crying. Shows how humans are, just as people in general, not characters, assuming subconsciously that the person in the most pain, who'se been through the most, is the one crying. It doesn't even hit them, at first, that River's an emotional time-bomb, feeling everyone's emotions, not just hers, after some ungracious fucking of her brain by the alliance. This is a very good fic.
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: zoe/wash[info]poisontaster on October 6th, 2005 03:05 am (UTC)
Hee.

I don't know if it's so much a disregard for Zoe's pain as it's being REALLY careful not to "intrude" on someone's pain. I mean, I think it's pretty obvious by the end that they KNEW Zoe was still all broken up, even if they didn't immediately connect it to River. But I think that DOES lead to disregard. You act "fine" enough and people start to think you really ARE fine.

Which is a REALLY long way of saying: Thanks!
(no subject) - [info]coaldustcanary on October 6th, 2005 03:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]gsmulticolored on October 6th, 2005 03:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: Damaging my calm[info]poisontaster on October 6th, 2005 03:07 am (UTC)
Thanks! I wanted it to be kind of a bomb at the end, like a joke you don't get for a second...except in this case...not so funny. *g*
Rebecca: Serenity Logo - starsouls1013[info]nikitangel on October 6th, 2005 05:01 am (UTC)
Fantastic! Right on target.
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: Jayne[info]poisontaster on October 6th, 2005 03:50 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much!
Alison: Zoe-Always--[info]poisonapple73 on October 6th, 2005 06:12 am (UTC)
This is wonderful. I caught on to the idea quickly, but for some reason, I didn't think Zoe the way I should have, so those last few lines were like a punch to the gut. Really well done.
Foul-Mouthed but Vivacious: Thrilling Heroics[info]poisontaster on October 6th, 2005 03:51 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
( 98 voices in my head — Say something )
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